Shakespear once called it the Merry Month of May. Sadly in my life that never seems to have been the case. My Mother's breast cancer is stage 4 and yet she seems to be finally making some improvement ironically since she has been declared palliative. Tonight Aunt Sherry and I can sleep one night of piece in my house in London knowing no bell, bang or emergency will cause us to jump up in a gasp of panic. We live in a world where we have chosen to infuse every bit of energy we can find into the thankless task of trying to bring life back to someone we love. We are often also dealing with distrust or hurtful indifference from those who should be our support. How could they possibly understand? How do you describe or prepare for something so horrible. It's like being hit by a bus. No amount of preparation or well wishes will make it ok. The biggest frustration in our lives is the amount of energy that is wasted on bureacrats who make the homecare system a broken mess. We hold board meetings in our pjs with 4 or 5 people at a time whose only acomplishment is filling in forms and providing road blocks to those who do come to assist. A pharmacy can prescibe a cream with simple instructions but someone who has taken courses as a health care professional cannot read those instructions and apply it without a bureaucrat coming to instruct them. So instead the family who knows even less has to step in or we have to agree to have our lives disrupted with an endless series of useless meetings and training sessions, forms and disruptions. Yesterday we escaped the madness and went to see the Hunger Games (after three months of living the hunger games it was much better on the big screen). We decided to go out and taste life and it never tasted sweeter. We came home at 1:30 am and the next day we even escaped to London. My Mom is safe in Vincents hands tonight and for one night we get to recharge and decompress surrounded by all the things that I should be able to take for granted. Tonight I will lay in my own bed beside my husband and thank god for all the things I took for granted for far too long.